Run Run As Fast As You Can...

I have never really been a fan of the Holiday Season because of all the craziness involved. I appreciate the meaning behind Christmas, but it has been lost by most. With all that being said, this Christmas has been different. I think it is because we have kids.

Yesterday a co-worker had Trader Joe's Really Big GingerBread Man Kits in her office. As soon as I saw them, I knew that I wanted to do one with Moses, not matter the cost. Earlier today I went to TJ's and much to my surprise they were only 99 cents each! I also picked up a Sugar Cookie Workshop kit for 99 cents too. It includes the cookie mix, two packages of frosting, four packages of decorations, and three cookie cutters. The best part is all the ingredients are natural including the dyes in the decorations (they are made of beets and spinach). I left an extremely happy customer :)

Here are some pictures of the fun we had:

The happy 7 Month Old Princess

They are both excited for the decorating

Our work in progress...

Moses loving his new friend

All Done

Our lovely Ginger People

Frosting Toes

This has been the craziest week ever! Tonight we went to Christmas party #3 for the week and have two more to go. Highlights for the week are below:

#1- Taking Moses and Emery to Disneyland. It was so beautifully decorated and snow fell on Main Street and Moses

was so excited. It even smelled like Gingerbread after it melted :) Also, our friend April was here from Michigan and it was so good to be able to spend time with her and Carly at the happiest place on earth!

#2-Emery is now mobile! She isn't crawling yet but she is scooting around like crazy. I can't believe she will be 7 months old in a couple of days.

#3-Frosting sugar cookies with Moses and Liz. Moses went crazy with the frosting and sprinkles. He didn't taste it until the end and then it was over. He was eating spoonfuls of frosting and somehow got it all over his feet, so then he was eating it off his toes.

#4-Christmas shopping for Jarrell and the kids. We got Moses a Toy Story toddler bed and I am so excited to see his little face light up when he sees it.

#5-Moses dancing/playing the drums to Rock Band. We were at Christmas Party and Moses was so happy dancing and playing the drums. It may have been the cutest thing I have ever seen him do.

#6- (This one hasn't actually happened yet, but I

am super excited for it and will post pictures) Moses and Emery are going to be in their first little Christmas play at church tomorrow. Moses is going to be a sheep and Emery is baby Jesus. (She is the youngest in the church)

With Christmas just around the corner, I can't help but reflect on all the wonderful things that

are in my life and be thankful and humbled.

I am so thankful that God sent His Son to

redeem the world.

Imperfectly Perfect

I want to start this post out by saying I am not perfect and I don't need to be (This probably doesn't shock most of you). I am mainly stating that fact for myself, because it is something that I struggle to accept. There have been a lot of things that have happened in my life that have caused me to think maybe if I was better at blank then blank wouldn't have happened. I am starting to realize that this way of thinking is an illusion, a lie that has caused me to be over controlling, anxious, judgmental, angry, fearful, and to have a lot of stress.

My friend Jill (and her family) pick words every New Year to be their word of the year. I really like the concept of this so I myself have decided to adopt a word this year, which is going to be GRACE. I desire the following four outcomes for this word:

*To learn how to better accept the grace given to me through the sacrifice of Jesus

*To learn how to extend MYSELF grace when I make mistakes

*To learn how to freely give grace to others for their mistakes and shortcomings

*To accept the fact that I am imperfect, but that I am imperfectly perfect and that there is beauty and strength in that

Don't Blink

Life seems to be flying by lately! I can't believe we are almost a week into December. Tomorrow Jarrell and I are leaving for a Staff Retreat and I am so nervous to leave the babies for three days and two nights :( This will be the first time that they have been away from Jarrell and I overnight, let alone two nights. In honor of this occasion, I am going to give a quick update of the babies.

* I feel like Emery is growing and changing by the day. She is almost 19 lbs. and is 28 inches tall. She is still off the charts for weight and height

*She popped through her first tooth a couple of days ago and number two is almost through. She was waking up screaming for several nights in a row and Jarrell and I nearly lost our minds due to exhaustion and frustration. Now that the one tooth is through, she seems to be doing better.

*This girl loves to eat! Her favorite thing right now are Mum-Mums

*She still adores Moses and their favorite activities to do together are jumping on the bed and riding Moses' cars. (Don't mind the bruise on Moses' head, he head-butted Jarrell)

*So far he has pooped three times and peed twice in the potty. Hopefully we can

continue to make progress

*Moses has quite the vocabulary and never ceases to amaze me at the things that he knows. Last week he dropped a box of toy cars on his toy and it tore off all the skin. He was so upset and I was comforting him when he looked up at me and said in the saddest little voice, "My poor toe." I almost died laughing.

*Moses still loves to read. He knows all of his

books by heart and recites words to them now.

*He is ridiculously obsessed with Toy Story. The first thing he says in the morning is, "Woo Woo" and he has to watch it everyday. (Luckily we can switch between 1,2, and 3)

*He played in the snow for the first time in a couple of weeks ago and he loved it, until his hands got cold.

"I Pooped"

A week ago Moses woke up crying after his nap, which is perfectly normal. As I got closer to the door I realized something wasn't right. All I could hear was,"Pooped! Pooped!" I opened the door to see Moses with his diaper off and his pajamas off one leg. He was holding his hands in the air, as I got closer I could see they were covered in poop. I asked him where he put his diaper and he took me to the corner and showed me where he stashed it. I took him into the bathroom to clean him up but realized he probably hadn't finished pooping, so I stuck him on the toilet. After a little pushing, he pooped in the toilet for the first time. I was super excited, but because of the lead up I thought it was more of an accident then anything.

Yesterday I was sitting in the living room and I heard Moses yelling my name. As I started walking through the house I found him in the bathroom with his pants down. He was pointing to the potty and wanted up. I lifted him on to the toilet and a couple seconds later he pooped in the potty! We celebrated by giving him a chocolate chip cookie.

The little bugger is so smart. This morning I found him on the potty. After sitting there for awhile, and not going potty, he got up and said, "Cookie." We explained to him that he only got at treat if he went pee or poop on the potty, so hopefully he will continue to do so with some work.

Missing my Family

Last night was the first night that I ever stayed away from my babies. It was so wonderful to actually sit down and enjoy a meal from start to finish and to sleep through the entire night. With that being said, I miss my family, so I thought that I would update everyone on the babies.

Moses is now twenty-one months old and is still a ball full of energy. It never ceases to amaze me at how quickly he picks up on things. Recently, he stuck the right key in the door and unlocked it. We thought that he did it by accident, but he continued to do it over and over again. He still loves his sister immensely and regularly refers to her as Mimi instead of baby. Moses has transitioned fully from a crib into a toddler bed and it makes me so sad sometimes because he really isn't a baby anymore. He absolutely adores Cars (especially Lightning McQueen), Nemo (which he refers to as fishies), and Toy Story

which he refers to Woody as Woo-Woo). A couple of days after Halloween we were at Target and they had left over costumes on sale and as we walked by Moses yelled "Melmo." We ended up purchasing him an Elmo costume that is near impossible to get him to take off.

Emery will be six months old in a week. She is such a content baby and smiles most of the time. She has pretty much mastered sitting up. Em is teething really bad right now though and she doesn't seem to handle it as well as Moses did.

Emery loves playing in her jumperoo and loves it

when you sing to her.

Looking Back

I have not been able to blog in so long and I miss it! We moved into a new house about a month ago and we love it, but we can't get internet there, so it is kind of hard to blog on a regular basis.

Our lives are drastically different then they were even two months ago. I had been without a job for over a year, we didn't know where we were going to live, and things were just hard. I remember having a conversation with a friend who was kind of in the same situation. We both said that in a short time we would look back at the convesation and laugh about how much we worried because God was going to work everything out. At that point and time I had pretty much lost all hope, but God is so good and everything truly does work out in His perfect timing.

I am so happy that I had to wait over a year to get a job, because now I have the perfect job! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about my new role. I am able to use so many of my passions and strengths. Later this week I get to go down to the Fashion District in Los Angeles to purchase some clothing! For those who know me really well, this is a big deal. The best part of my job though is knowing that I am working in a place that is Kingdom Building.

I have so much I want to say, but I have to wake up at 5:30 am tomorrow for a trip, so I must get some sleep.

My Pretty Princess

My precious baby girl is 4 months old today! This is one of my favorite ages for babies because it is when you start to see so much of their personalities and they really start interacting with you and their surroundings.

Here are the latest updates on Emery:

*She weighs 17 lbs. 13 oz. which is off the charts in percentile
*She is 26.5 inches which is also off the charts in percentile.
*She loves looking at patterns, so whenever she is wearing a dress she lifts it up so that she can study it.
*She doesn't take a pacifier, but she LOVES sucking on her hand and watching it.

*She is super ticklish and laughs really hard when you tickle under her chin.

*Emery can roll over (it is so cute because Moses cheers her on by pumping his fists in the air while saying "wool Emmy wool"). This is a picture of her as she is rolling over.

Here is a picture of the babies together:

It's All Part of the Plan...

So Moses likes this show on Playhouse Disney called "Special Agent Oso" and it has this funny little bear that helps kids solve problems. He always gets into situations when things don't go exactly the way he planned and he says, "It is all part of the plan...more or less." I love it because I feel like that is such a good motto for life in general. How often do things really go according to the way we plan them or think they should go.

As most of you know, over a year ago we moved to Redlands, California so that Jarrell could take a job at Forest Home (which is a Christian Camp and Conference Center). We had certain expectations for our new home and situation and were completely filled with hope. I only needed to work about 15 hours a week for us to be set financially, which shouldn't have been a problem. One month went by...no job, then two, then three, and so on. As each month went by, each resume went out, each interview yielded nothing, my hope diminished more and more. When we found out I was pregnant again (with Emery) we were filled with joy but were a little nervous about the added financial stress in the midst of our already uncertain situation. I knew that God had a plan and purpose for us but I felt lost, confused, and disappointed.

Well, God did have a plan, a PERFECT PLAN. I am not sure why He waited over a year to let it play out, but at this point and time I don't really care. I have learned so much the past year and I know that I wouldn't have grown as much as I have, if I didn't experience this time in my life.

There have been so many blessings that have flown out of this trying time. I was able to stay at home with my kids for a really long time. Even though it wasn't under the best circumstances, I wouldn't give that time back for anything.

Next Tuesday I will be starting at Forest Home as the Retail Manager. I am beyond excited to be part of an amazing ministry as well as doing something I am passionate about. I could not think of a more perfect job.

So remember when life gets tough, "It is all part of the plan...more or less."

Changes

"Change is the essence of life. Be willing to surrender what you are for what you could become." -unknown

Change. It is inevitable, necessary, hard, and growth. These are just some of the words lately I have found to describe it. I feel like I am in a constant state of transition. In some ways we all are. We are either growing to be better people or we are becoming worse people. You can't just be. Every choice, every word, every thought moves you in one of these directions. Which direction are you moving in?

I have dealt with a large amount of change in the past couple of months and I am finally sitting down to evaluate where it has led me. Thankfully, I am becoming a better person. (By the way, I do realize that is loosely defined). I have seen tremendous growth in myself over the past year, but more specifically in the past couple of months. I am more content with my circumstances, I can find joy in the midst of pain, I am more grateful for the things I do have and less aware of those things that I am lacking, I have realized how amazing the people I have in my life are and how much we truly need others, and I am more confident in who I am, not as a person, but who I am in Christ. Trust me when I say this--->I still have a lot of room to grow.

19 Months

Today has been such a great day already, but one of the best reasons is that Moses is 19 months old today. I can't believe that he is closer to two than he is to one! Also, I am amazed at the fact that I am writing this post on time :)

Moses has the best personality ever. I know that I am a little biased, but really I don't think that Moses has ever met a stranger. He smiles at everyone and makes them engage with him. I can't even express the amount of joy this little person has brought into my life.

A little update on Moses:

*His vocabulary is continuing to grow rapidly. His most recent words include: Matt, Lee (Liz), bowl, and outside.

*Jarrell recently taught him how to spit over a railing, so now every time hesees a railing he wants to lean over it and spit.

*He has developed quite the love for ketchup and BBQ sauce.

*He loves songs that have motions and he does well imitating them. My favorite is watching him try and make the itsy bitsy spider.

*I can't believe how strong willed this child is. He is so determined to do things the way that he wants, when he wants, and is extremely persistent in this.

These pictures were taken yesterday at Big Bear, CA.

What is Your Story?

So recently we went to Family Camp at Forest Home where Jarrell works. It is a week long camp that has different sessions for each age group and a lot of activities that help you spend intentional time as a family. We were blessed to go with several of our friends and their families, which made the experience even richer. The speaker for the evening adult sessions was Albert Tate and let me tell you, he is an amazing speaker. You can listen to his sermons from Family Camp on the Forest Home Website. I really encourage you to check them out. Anyway, one thing that he spoke about really stuck out to me and I have been thinking a lot about lately. He talked about Revelation 12:11 which says, "And they overcame him because of the blood of the Lamb and because of the word of their testimony, and they did not love their life even when faced with death." Albert was saying that the blood of the Lamb is an extremely powerful, important thing. When it comes to the blood of the Lamb it could be the end of the conversation for us in how we overcome, but note what the verse says. It says the blood of the Lamb AND the word of their testimony. I was really challenged by this. Albert asked when the last time that we shared our story with someone. So often I am ashamed to tell my story. Afraid that people will misunderstand or judge me. Afraid that they will look down upon me, because this has happened in the past. However, none of that should matter. God has done some amazing things in my life and it is about time that I share them with others. When is the last time that you shared your story? How many people do you live life with each day that really don't know much about you? What you have gone through can be such a tremendous source of encouragement for someone going through the same thing as you, or for someone facing a trying time.

Here are some pictures of our week that highlight the time we spent as a family and with friends.

This is Moses and his friend Hailey

The Kids Table

The Gang without the Kids

Moses' First Horseback Ride

Playing at the Lake

Daddy and Emmy

Daddy and the Babies

My Beautiful Babies

Life has been crazy for us lately and I will hopefully be able to blog more consistently again. Once again, I am late on the baby updates.

Moses is Eighteen Months Old:

I can't believe my "baby" is a year and a half old. He is growing up way too fast.

*He is developing really funny preferences like the color of bowl that he eats out of or the sippy cup he uses. He definitely has his favorites.

*He has finally tripled his birth weight and weighs 24 pounds. (25%)

*Moses loves animals. When we are out and about he points out every animal and imitates the noise that they make, it is so fun!

*He is learning so quickly right now, he learns a couple of new words everyday and even uses mini sentences now. His must recent words include:shoes, water, squirrel, stairs, and the phrase Where Go? for when someone leaves or he is looking for something,

*Moses will not stay in his crib anymore which is super challenging for nap time. He just climbs out and opens the door. Here is a video of him escaping.

Emery is three months:

*She is 17 pounds, which she has already doubled her birth weight!

*She continues to become more verbal and really observes what is going on around her. Her favorite things to watch are Moses and her hand.

*She loves it when you sing to her, especially if you are doing motions.

*She is such a big smiler and is almost always content.

Here is a picture of them together:

The Desert

Jarrell and I have been going through a lot of different things lately and we really needed to get away. One of our professors from college recently moved to Phoenix, which isn't too far from where we live, so we decided to go visit him and his family. We didn't do too much, but it was exactly what we needed. Highlights from the trip are below (they are in no particular order):

#1-Moses loved being around other kids, even though they were all older then him. He became most attached to Colan. He followed him around everywhere and climbed right up it the chair to sit with him. Colan did so well with him and even took him to the park.

#2-Raena loved Emery. She asked to hold her. After she sat down and I placed her in her arms, she decided she was too heavy, so she wanted her on the chair next to her. It was so cute! Raena had a little toy stroller for her stuffed animals that she wanted to push Emery in. It broke my heart to tell her she couldn't.

#3-Just spending time with Mike, Dezi, and Ashley. It was great to hear about how God was working in their lives and to share about how he was working in ours. God never ceases to amaze me with how he works things out, even in the worst of situations. I left feeling encouraged about the situations that we are facing and was reassured that God will take care of them.

#4-Streetlight Phoenix. This is a ministry that Christ's Church of the Valley started and it is amazing. It is dealing with the issues of Child Sex Slavery here in America. We were able to tour the facilities (there aren't any girls there yet) and it is an experience that I won't forget. What they are doing there is amazing and I pray that God uses it in mighty ways. Check out the link I provided, it has so much information.

I left feeling refreshed and semi-ready to tackle the rest of the month. We are going to Family Camp next week, my dad is coming to visit, and we have to pack up our apartment and be moved out by the end of the month. Needless to say, my posts may be few and far between until things settle down.

Service

The other evening was very interesting to me. I never go out alone anymore simply because I have two children. The other night Jarrell stayed out home with the kids so that I could have some time to myself. I decided to take the book I am reading, Sacred Marriage, my Bible, and my journal and sit at a fountain park bench with some Fro-Yo. (I live such a thrilling life, I know) As I was sitting there, I couldn't help but over hear the family sitting next to me since they were yelling at each other. You could hear the hate in the daughters voice towards her father and you could see the sadness that surrounded him. You could tell the mother was worn out being caught in between the two of them. I couldn't help but wonder what brought them to this point. Since I couldn't concentrate on my reading or journaling due to the noise, I decided to do a little window shopping. Once again, I witnessed another sad situation. A mother was picking up her children from their father and stepmother. They were yelling at each other and cursing and the kids were so embarrassed that they walked away, and their parents didn't even notice. The security guard for the plaza came out and intervened. These things just reminded me what a broken world we live in. I have been doing a study over Phillipians and these verses have really stuck with me:

"Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;

do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also the interests of others

Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,

who although he existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped." Phillipians 2:3-6

I feel like both of the situations I described above could be prevented if more people lived these verses out. Can you imagine what the world would look like if people took these seriously? Can you imagine how satisfying your relationships would be? Jesus did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped. That is such a powerful concept. The most powerful person to walk this earth never tapped into that power for his own gain, only for that of others. I am not sure about you, but there are many times that if I were Jesus, I would definitely pull out the God card. However, Jesus knew serving others was the higher road. I leave you with this quote, "The path to genuine greatness lies in serving others." -unknown

Worry

Worry by definition means a state of anxiety and uncertainty over actual or potential problems. Worry is so pointless that it doesn't even have to be over something that is real. Unfortunately, one of my biggest weakness is worry. I have worried over the same problem for almost a year now. Can I tell you what is has accomplished for me... absolutely NOTHING. In fact, the situation has only got worse. Looking back I can't believe how much time, energy, tears, and sadness I have given this situation. I have let it rob me of so much precious time and for what? Thankfully, a lot of good has come out of this situation. That is how gracious that our God is.

Even though my situation hasn't changed, my perspective has. Saying you trust God and actually trusting Him are two completely different things. I can honestly say that right now I am at a point where I trust God completely. I have read these verses a million times before, but they mean so much to me right now:

"Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, that surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hears and your minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6,7

God knows my needs. Once I have made them known to Him (not because He doesn't know them, but because I need to show my dependence to Him) I need to trust that He will take care of them. That is it. I don't need to worry about it anymore. I need to accept the peace that comes with knowing Christ and having a relationship with Him.

The biggest lesson that I have taken away from this situation is that I spend far too much time worrying about temporal things. All the time and energy that I spent dedicated to my worry could have been spent for something eternal---->The salvation of the people I care about that don't know Christ. I have learned (and trust me this isn't a one time lesson) that I need to live more for eternity. Just like it says in Colossians 3:1,2 "Therefore if you have been raised up with Christ, keep seeking the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your mind on the things above, not on the things that are on earth."

Two is Better Than One

I forgot to do a two month update on Emery, so here it goes:

*She weighs 14 lbs. (which is the 95%)

*She is 24 3/4 inches (also 95%)

*She smiles all the time and is still really verbal. My guess is she will be an early talker.

*She loves to be propped up so that she can watch what is going on.

*For the most part she is sleeping 6-8 hours at night, which is amazing!

Emery has grown so fast that I don't even feel like she is a baby anymore. She is going to be one tough little girl thanks to Moses. He loves to "cuddle" with her, which entails him running and laying right on top of her (body tackle style).

Moses is seventeen months:

*He is becoming more verbal. His newest word is Carly, which is his "Aunt". He totally knows who she is, but says Carly all day long and to everything. This is always what he does when he learns a new word. Some other new words include: turtle, fishy, and poo poo.

*He is extremely interested in cooking which is really fun. He always has to help in some way or another and imitates me while I am cooking. I always have to check my oven now before turning it on because he likes to put stuff inthere. I burnt several forks in the last couple of weeks :)

*Moses LOVES to read. His favorite book right now is Moo Baa LaLaLa. It is so funny to watch him read it. He has it memorized and you can turn the pages and he makes all the sound effects just by looking at the pictures. It is adorable.

*He recently got two goldfish, Mac & Cheese, as his first pets. They died within eight hours. :( We decided to go with a Beta, who is Mac (2).

*Moses loves brushing his teeth and can usually be seen carrying a toothbrush (we have 5 just for him). If he doesn't have a brush available he reminds me to brush his teeth by sticking his finger in his mouth, pretending to brush, and pointing to the bathroom door.

Sewing

It all started one day when I was in Target. I really wanted to buy a pair of baby leg warmers for Emery, but I couldn't justify paying the amount of money they wanted for them. I came home and looked on the internet hoping that I could find them for less money. Instead of finding some to purchase, I found out how I could make my own. I use to sew with my mom all the time when I was little but probably hadn't sewed in 15 years. I called up my friend and asked if she would teach me the basics. From there, I have been learning things on my own. It has been fun and an outlet for me. I have some included pictures below of the things that I have done so far:

My beautiful Tu-Tu Model

The Tu-Tu

Leg Warmers

Dress

Dress Detail

Some of my friends have been encouraging me to sell my stuff through and online store or a craft site, but I am not sure that I am quite ready for that yet. However, if there is something you or someone you know wants made, I would be fine with custom orders at this point. Just email me at jdf922@cccb.edu or facebook me. I can do all the things above and also arm warmers too.

30 Things

So after reading Jill's, I decided to do this, but it was harder than I thought it would be. I didn't want to tell you all basic things that you already knew, so hear you go:

#1- I never liked Coke until after I had Moses. After giving birth, they asked what I wanted to drink and I said Coke. Every since then I have been obsessed with it.

#2- I have a dual favorite color. I love lime and pink, but not separately, only together.

#3- I am probably one of the most indecisive people EVER. I can't make a decision and stick with it. I am one of those people who keep tags and receipts for everything I buy because I often return it and purchase something else.

#4- My favorite movie of all time is Sweet Home Alabama. I could watch it every day. Every time I see it, I cry. It evokes so many emotions in me, because I can relate to it on so many different levels.

#5- I have a deep respect for single moms. I really don't know how they do it.

#6- I LOVE college basketball. My favorite team is Duke.

#7- A lot of people say that if given the chance to go back they wouldn't change things, but not me. There are definitely very specific things that I would do differently.

#8-I desperately wished that we lived closer to my family or Jarrell's family, but as of now, it is not where God wants us.

#9-If I could change one thing (outside of salvation) it would be that people didn't see color. It breaks my heart.

#10-I prefer watching movies at home because I have to talk through them. I have so many questions. (Jarrell gets so annoyed with me)

#11-I think it is silly when people give me flowers. They die. I do love plants though.

#12-In the last seven years I have lived in six different states, spanning from coast to coast.

#13-My favorite city on the east coast is Boston and on the west coast is San Francisco.

#14-My ideal place to live would be somewhere on the Oregon Coast.

#15-I prefer pearls over diamonds.

#16-Being in the midst of God's creation, especially mountains, is where I experience God the most.

#17-I don't like to drive, at all.

#18-I tend to over think most things.

#19-I would prefer a meaningful card over a gift any day.

#20-I value loyalty. To God, to love, to family, and to friends.

#21-The first time that I saw my husband, I knew that I would marry him.

#22-I strive daily to be three things: more like Christ, a good wife, and a good mom.

#23-Jarrell and I went on two honeymoons a month apart.

#24-I despise horror movies. I think that there is enough evil in the world, that it doesn't need to be re-created and shown in movies.

#25-I used to be dog walker when I lived in New York. I got ridiculous amounts of money to walk rich people's dogs.

#26-I am actively working on being a better listener.

#27-I almost never order first at restaurants, even if I know what I want.

#28-It is so hard for me to buy something for myself even if it is something that I need. I always think about other ways that I could spend the money.

#29-My favorite portion of scripture is Psalm 27

#30-I am so thankful for the sacrifice of Jesus and the way that God has completely turned my life around through Him. I can't imagine having a better life than I do. Jarrell, Moses, and Emery are the biggest blessings and bring me so much joy.

PS- Jill I just commented on yours, but I think I will Facebook message you soon.

Discipline

God has been working on my heart so much lately. Let me tell you---> It isn't easy. It is discouraging to see how many faults I still have. I have been really discouraged lately due to some life circumstances coupled with a heightened sense of my flaws. I think the circumstances, and my attitude towards them, have shown me the condition of my heart. I have realized how entitled I feel because I am a Christian. Sometimes I want life to be easy, comfortable. I have been feeling like I am doing something "wrong" because of the circumstances that I am in. Today God showed me that thinking is my small perspective. A lot of the time, circumstances (as long as they aren't due to consequences from choices that you made) are used to mold you, shape you, to be more like Christ. They can also be equipping you for a different phase of your life. I heard an awesome message today, which led me to study the verses further after I got home. In my Bible Study I came across this quote and it was much what I needed to hear:

Faith doesn’t make life easy; it helps us be faithful through the difficult times. -Henry Neufeld

I will leave you with these verses, which have greatly impacted me today ( I bolded the parts that really spoke to me):

Hebrews 12:1-6, 11

[1]Therefore, since we have such a great cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin which so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race set before us,

[2]fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith, who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

[3]For consider Him who has endured such hostility by sinners against Himself, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart,

[4]You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin;

[5]and you have forgotten the exhortation which is addressed to you as sons,

"MY SON, DO NOT REGARD LIGHTLY THE DISCIPLINE OF THE LORD,

NOR FAINT WHEN YOU ARE REPROVED BY HIM;

[6] "FOR THOSE WHOM THE LORD LOVES HE DISCIPLINES,

AND HE SCOURGES EVERY SON WHOM HE RECEIVES."

[11]All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness."

My Hero

The relationship that Moses and Emery have has been reminding me of my relationship with my big brother Joe. I have been thinking a lot about him lately. I called my mom today to talk to her about him, which she had been thinking about him too. It is his birthday today. I can't believe next month that he will have been gone for eight years. Few people have profoundly impacted my life the way that Joe did. I will start at the beginning. The time that I first met Joe.

Yes, I did say the first time that I met him. See, Joe was my mom's son from a different marriage. I did not know that I had a big brother until I was in the third grade! (I also had another brother, and two other sisters). Joe came to live with us when I was in the third grade. He was so tall, had the best smile, and (as I came to know later on) had the biggest heart. He was a senior in high school. You would think that a senior in high school would be annoyed at his two "new" sisters, but not Joe. He ate it up. He loved being our big brother. He could have let us keep riding the bus like we always had, but he took us to school every morning. He took us to movies and always was up for some adventure. For example: There was a hill by our house that was called "Killer Hill". It was the best place to sled in the winter, but was super scary. It was straight down. One day, on the way to school, Joe decided that we needed to drive down Killer Hill. I remember "covering my eyes" (you know the way you did when you were little, with your fingers spread apart so you could still see) and screaming the whole way. My sister and I nearly died of fright, but also thought it was the coolest thing ever. These aren't the things that made Joe great though.

He was my hero. God knew what He was doing when He brought Joe into my life. It was definitely his perfect timing. Joe changed the course of my life and brought a sense of peace to me that I hadn't experienced in a long time. He brought the end to a horrible period of time in my life (one that is far too personal to share on a blog). He literally saved me.

I remember the day that Joe ended up in jail. Joe had a rough life before he came to live with us, and he ended up in a lot of trouble. When Joe got out of jail he went into the Army. I remember writing him letters, sending him care packages, and anxiously waiting from letters from him. I still have one that I keep in my jewelry box.

I remember the day that he moved back home to Montana. I was much older at this point. In fact, it was the summer before my senior year in high school. Unfortunately, I didn't have time for Joe. I kept thinking, I will see him sooner or later. Well, that day never came. A couple of weeks after moving back, he passed away. I remember getting the call. I desperately wish that I would have made it a priority to see him.

It saddens me that his baby girl will never know how great of a person her daddy is. Just like God knew what He was doing when He sent Joe to me, He knew what He was doing when He took Him away. I love you Joe and miss you.

Spend as much time as you can with those you love. Don't take them for granted. Also, we never know when it will be our time to go. Keep God at the center of your life. Live for Him.

My Little Man

Today was such a fun day with Moses. He is such a neat little person and since I have had Emery my attention has definitely been divided and I have missed the old relationship that we had before she came. Well today worked out perfect because Emery was up all morning and during Moses' naps, so when Moses woke up she slept for the majority of the time. This allowed me to have special one-on-one time with Moses.

I can't believe how fast Moses is growing up and how quickly he learns things. (I say this all the time but it is so incredible to me). Moses loves cooking so we are always looking for things that are safe for him to help us with. This afternoon we made orange jell-o. The best part was watching him eat it though. I showed him how it wiggled, so he would scoop it out of his bowl, wiggle it around, shove it in his mouth and laugh really hard. So precious :)

Another thing that Moses loves to do is read books. He has this Baby Bible that he is really into right now. I have been teaching him about all the animals that are on the Noah 's Ark page and the sounds that they make. It is the cutest thing ever to hear him make the sounds. So far he has learned the snake, lion, and monkey. The monkey by far is the best though because instead of saying "ooh-ooh ah-ah" he says "ah-ah" in a super high pitched scream. Today while we were reading he pointed to the turtle and said turtle for the first time. I love hearing him say new words.

Something that I realized today is that Moses has such a huge heart. He loves so deeply. He hugs and kisses all the things he cares about frequently. The other day I was crying and he climbed up in my lap and started wiping the tears off my face, which only made me cry more. The first thing he says when he wakes up is "Baby" and wants to see and kiss his sister. This melts my heart.

Here is him loving on Bear Bear:

Another one with Sissy:

There is a First Time for Everything

This has been a big week of firsts for us! This has included Moses first hair cut which was done by me and Jarrell. (I was more or less the distraction, but I did help). Moses and Emery took their first bath together which was super adorable. Moses helped wash her by dumping water on her from a bottle. Also, Emery had her first "camping trip". We stayed in a cabin where Jarrell works and it was so beautiful. We were in close quarters with one another (the cabin was one room) but it allowed me to witness some neat interactions between Emery and Moses. We all shared a bed and Moses kept leaning over and kissing Emery and she would smile really big. Then she would would turn her head to wherever Moses was so that she could always see him. I believe that they are going to be such close friends as they grow up. Moses had fun swimming in the kiddie pool and playing with lady bugs. Needless to say, we were able to spend a lot of quality time as a family this week and it was much needed and always makes my heart smile.

I have been struggling with so many different things lately, and yesterday I had an conversation with a close friend that left me feeling so blessed. We were talking about some of the different things that I have been struggling with lately and she said, "Josie, I know that you have your struggles internally but you are handling them so well externally. I know some days are probably better then others, but overall you are such an encouragement to me and teach me not to complain so much." We continued to talk and she was sharing with me how some other people had noticed this about me as well. (I am not saying this in a boastful way, so please do not take it like that). This was such a huge blessing to me because at a time when I can't see God working in my life and when I feel so lost, He is using me to glorify Him and challenge others in their own faith. This really reminded me that how we live our lives and the way we react to what life throws our way, can be a huge testimony to those around us. I am so thankful that through my friend, God allowed me to see a glimpse of the work that He is doing in me and through me.

I am super excited for tonight. A bunch of ladies from our church are getting together for sushi and someone is watching Moses for me so that I can join them! I always have a blast when we get together and it has been so long since I have been able to hang out with them, so this is going to be a real treat for me.

Letting Go

There have been several transitions and big life changes that have occurred in my life over the past three years. I am extremely bad at pinpointing my feelings or expressing them in a healthy way. I have a range of about three emotions: happy, frustrated, or angry. My escape used to be alcohol, but my life has changed and that hasn't been my crutch for many years. Usually I don't tend to deal with my feelings until I am in a really unhealthy place, because it takes me so long to realize what I was feeling in the first place. All this being said I realized today that there was something that happened about a year ago that I had never dealt with. I was searching for a specific document on our computer when I came across a letter Jarrell had wrote and it brought me to tears. Here is a copy of it:

Many of you probably did not know but Josie and I were expecting another baby. It came as a huge surprise and filled us with a lot of joy and fear. I feel like with one child it is way much easier to work around schedules, appointments, and things like that, but with two we felt like a major life shift was about to happen. After a second visit and opinion from the hospital yesterday we found out that our baby didn’t have a heart beat. So many things are going through our head... was there something we could have done, what’s the purpose, what would he or she have looked like, or grown up to be? The only thing that I can be certain of is God is in control of our lives. If you could pray for the healing and strengthening of Josie’s body that would be great.

Somebody's calling out your name

Somebody's calling out your name

Oh children why don’t you answer

Somebody's calling out your name...

Somebody's knows what’s in your heart

Somebody's knows what’s in your heart

Oh children why don’t you answer

Somebody's knows what’s in your heart

Somebody’s waiting to forgive

Somebody’s waiting to forgive

Oh children why don’t you answer

Somebody’s waiting to forgive...

Somebody wants to take you home

Somebody wants to take you home

Oh children why don’t you answer

Somebody wants to take you home...

As you can tell we lost a baby in between the time we had Moses and Emery. I didn't realize how much this hurt me until I read this letter. At the time I remember feeling so guilty because I wasn't very happy that I was pregnant. (Our kids were going to be about ten months apart). I thought that it was my fault that we lost the baby, that if I would have wanted it, this wouldn't have happened. I remember feeling like a horrible parent because of some of the comments people made about the situation. I was sad because we were suppose to go to our friends wedding but I was limited on traveling, since I hadn't physically lost the baby yet, which made me feel selfish. I was terrified to lose the baby physically (which never happened, I had to have surgery). These are just a few emotions that I actually realized feeling at the time this happened, while reading this letter. It feels good to express these, to let go. I am so thankful for my husband and his love for me and Christ. I am thankful while I didn't have the words to express my pain or even think about praying, that he did. I am thankful that God uses every situation we go through for his glory. "And we know in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

Tiffany's Blue

Today was an eventful day but amazing. This morning we went to our friend Macyn's 2nd Birthday party. I am so sad that the picture to the right is so small (I couldn't make it any bigger) because seriously it is so stinking cute! This is Macyn and Moses the first day that the met, almost a year ago. It is so crazy to look back and see how far they have come since the time this was taken. Moses walks now and has hair. Macyn scoots (which is the cutest thing EVER). This is one of the many families that God has blessed us with since moving to California. At the party Moses went on wagon rides, fed some ducks, chased bubbles, ate too much cake and drank too much juice, and played with tons of little friends. It was such a great time!

After the party I came home and Jarrell was off work! This was a miracle friends, he has been working so much lately. He and my friend Liz had made secret plans for me though, which turned out to be amazing and exactly what I needed. Jarrell watch the kids while Liz pampered me :) She took me out for coffee, pedicures, and lunch. There is nothing like getting

spoiled and spending quality time with an awesome friend talking about life. I always pick "safe" colors when I get pedicures, but not today. I decided to get a color that is basically Tiffany's Blue. Every girl needs some Tiffany's Blue in her life right? Since I didn't get the little blue box at least I can look down at my toes and smile.

After our time together I came home and got to spend time with my family. I love it when we are all together. Moses is such a sponge right now. He is learning so much, so quickly. In the last couple of days he has learned to say sister and sissy. Also, he learned to climb in and out of his crib without hurting himself, so it may be time for a toddler bed (He learned to get out of his crib along time ago but would hurt himself so he stopped doing it). He has been teething for a while and he just popped through four teeth so now he has sixteen teeth! Which reminds me, he was running around like crazy the other night at our friends house and fell down. He was crying really hard but we couldn't figure out what had happened. Well I realized the other day that he had chipped off part of his front tooth, so now I am calling him Chippy.

That was pretty much my day in a nutshell!

In the Silence

I am so confused right now. I have never had a period of silence/unanswered prayer go this long. We, as a family, have a need (one that we have had for awhile) and every time it looks as if that need is going to be met, it falls through. I am so frustrated that every time I think of this situation I tear up. I know that God is in control, but I am struggling right now. It is so hard for me to have hope for the situation because each time a solution falls through, my hope diminishes a little bit more.

The other day I felt God working a lot on my heart about my motives. I felt Him asking If I desired Him as much as a solution for our need. That if our need was never met, would I be content and trust Him in this situation/future ones. These are tough questions and the answer is ultimately yes; however, I continually have to give this over to God. I am trying my best to learn as much from this situation as possible, to allow it to grow me, so that I may bear more fruit. I am not going to even pretend though, it is hard and I am just done with it.

What helps you through times like these? Does anyone have a situation like this, that they don't mind sharing with me. If you do please email me at jdf922@cccb.edu or Facebook message me.

How the Time Flies

My life has been crazy busy lately! Jarrell is still working long days, so I just don't have the time to myself that I need, but I keep telling myself that it is temporary. Lately I have been trying really hard to say a prayer and be thankful for something every time I feel like complaining. This has been awesome for my attitude and has given me a lot of new perspective.

I can't believe that Emery is already a month old. Here is a little update on her:

*She is 10 lbs. 1 oz. (90th percentile) She is such a chunk, she gained 1 1/2 pounds in two weeks!

*She is 22 inches long (also the 90th percentile)

*She is making all kinds of sounds. I can't believe how vocal she is already. Moses definitely was

not this vocal until much later.

*She slept six hours in a row the other night, which was amazing!

Emery,

Baby girl, I love you so much already. I can't wait to see you grow up and find out more about the amazing person that God has created you to be. I love how you are such a cuddle bug and want to be held all the time. You bring so much happiness into my life. I love you.

Moses is sixteen months old now. Here is an update on him:

*He is 33 inches and 22 pounds (tall and thin like his daddy)

*Recently learned to say bubble and Elmo (Melmo) but his favorite word is baby.

*He can point to his ears, eyes, mouth, nose, and belly button. He loves bellies and tries to lift up everyones shirt to see theirs.

*He is such an active little boy and loves to play in water the most. Recently we were at someone else's house and he took off running out the door and ran straight into their pool with his clothes on and someone had to rescue him!

Moses,

My sweet little boy! I can't believe how big you are already! It seems like just yesterday you were born. You are the happiest little boy I have ever met and I love your big huge smile and your love of life. I truly believe that your purpose in life is to bring others happiness, because everyone that meets you falls in love with you. You are such an amazing big brother and I can't wait until Emery is old enough to play with you. Thank you for all your love and kisses. My life wouldn't be the same without you. I am so thankful that God gave you to me, my little miracle baby.