If Grace Is an Ocean...

One of my greatest struggles is trying to control my temper. I get really upset over things that I shouldn't and most of the time, it happens before I even realize it. This is an area I have grown in tremendously since having kids, because I do not want it to affect them, so I am even more conscious of it. When I react out of anger, especially towards them, it breaks my heart and I can't even begin to tell you how sad and ashamed I feel.

For a couple years, we have pretty much avoided eating in a sit down restaurant with the kids, because it seems to be the perfect environment for complete meltdowns. The other night we were out eating dinner as a family which always puts me on edge. The kids were being extremely well behaved, so I was able to relax and enjoy it. Moses became impatient and reached for something across the table and spilled Mimi's drink everywhere. As liquid came rushing down the table and into Jarrell's lap, I remained calm. So calm, I shocked myself. Normally a situation like this would turn me into a raging monster. As Moses apologized over and over again, I kept telling him, it is okay we all make mistakes. We can clean up the mess, but next time you need to be patient and wait for us to help you. I silently prayed and thanked God for the changes that He has made in my life regarding my temper. 

As I was sitting there, all of a sudden something clicked with me. How often do I hastily make decisions and cause messes? How often do I do something in my own strength and make a mess? We are all like Moses. I am so thankful that God is patient with us. That He doesn't lose his temper with us. That He gently encourages us, even in the midst of discipline. In that moment, I became even more aware of how good God's grace is and much more thankful for it.