In the Silence

I am so confused right now. I have never had a period of silence/unanswered prayer go this long. We, as a family, have a need (one that we have had for awhile) and every time it looks as if that need is going to be met, it falls through. I am so frustrated that every time I think of this situation I tear up. I know that God is in control, but I am struggling right now. It is so hard for me to have hope for the situation because each time a solution falls through, my hope diminishes a little bit more.

The other day I felt God working a lot on my heart about my motives. I felt Him asking If I desired Him as much as a solution for our need. That if our need was never met, would I be content and trust Him in this situation/future ones. These are tough questions and the answer is ultimately yes; however, I continually have to give this over to God. I am trying my best to learn as much from this situation as possible, to allow it to grow me, so that I may bear more fruit. I am not going to even pretend though, it is hard and I am just done with it.

What helps you through times like these? Does anyone have a situation like this, that they don't mind sharing with me. If you do please email me at jdf922@cccb.edu or Facebook message me.

How the Time Flies

My life has been crazy busy lately! Jarrell is still working long days, so I just don't have the time to myself that I need, but I keep telling myself that it is temporary. Lately I have been trying really hard to say a prayer and be thankful for something every time I feel like complaining. This has been awesome for my attitude and has given me a lot of new perspective.

I can't believe that Emery is already a month old. Here is a little update on her:

*She is 10 lbs. 1 oz. (90th percentile) She is such a chunk, she gained 1 1/2 pounds in two weeks!

*She is 22 inches long (also the 90th percentile)

*She is making all kinds of sounds. I can't believe how vocal she is already. Moses definitely was

not this vocal until much later.

*She slept six hours in a row the other night, which was amazing!

Emery,

Baby girl, I love you so much already. I can't wait to see you grow up and find out more about the amazing person that God has created you to be. I love how you are such a cuddle bug and want to be held all the time. You bring so much happiness into my life. I love you.

Moses is sixteen months old now. Here is an update on him:

*He is 33 inches and 22 pounds (tall and thin like his daddy)

*Recently learned to say bubble and Elmo (Melmo) but his favorite word is baby.

*He can point to his ears, eyes, mouth, nose, and belly button. He loves bellies and tries to lift up everyones shirt to see theirs.

*He is such an active little boy and loves to play in water the most. Recently we were at someone else's house and he took off running out the door and ran straight into their pool with his clothes on and someone had to rescue him!

Moses,

My sweet little boy! I can't believe how big you are already! It seems like just yesterday you were born. You are the happiest little boy I have ever met and I love your big huge smile and your love of life. I truly believe that your purpose in life is to bring others happiness, because everyone that meets you falls in love with you. You are such an amazing big brother and I can't wait until Emery is old enough to play with you. Thank you for all your love and kisses. My life wouldn't be the same without you. I am so thankful that God gave you to me, my little miracle baby.

Community

I really don't have the adequate words to convey what I am about to say because how I feel is so much deeper than I can express, but here is my best try:

I have been brought to my knees and to tears lately by the wonderful friends and family that God has blessed us with. Even as I try to type this I am tearing up. There is no greater feeling in the world than knowing you have people around you how believe in you, love you, and support you in whatever way you need. We have such an amazing community here in California and it is incredible to me because we have only been here ten months. It is humbling because these people are truly expressions of God's own love towards me (and my family) and it is overwhelming.

On a slightly different note things are going pretty well. It is the busiest time of year for Jarrell right now, so that has been interesting for me. He is working fourteen hour days and will be for awhile, so I am basically a single mom. However, all these wonderful people I am talking about have made my life so much easier. I can't believe that Emery is already three weeks old and Moses just turned sixteen months. Time seems to be going faster everyday. I am really trying to enjoy these moments knowing they are going to be gone sooner than I realize. Moses cuddled up on the couch with me this morning (which he doesn't do nearly as often as he used to) and I was overfilled with love. It is so amazing how much joy a

child brings you. I am so thankful for my kids because they make me a better person. I will leave you with these wonderful picture of my beautiful children.

Nicknames

I love nicknames. Especially unique ones, that only the person who gave it to you realizes the meaning behind it. There are some nicknames though, that I would rather never have received. I am thinking about this because the other day Moses gave Emery a nickname without realizing it. He is so little and is just learning to talk and tried to say Emery and said Mimi. We definitely will be calling her that, how cute right?

We have a million nicknames for Moses, some practical some not so much. Some of my personal favorites are: momo, motar, mozito burrito, mogatoff, and motasaurus. I know half of these don't make sense but have become so special to us for various reasons. I know most of them won't stick and that is why I am writing them down so that I remember later on.

The Simple Things in Life

Here is a random list of things that I love that all occurred today---> Days that Jarrell is off work and our family is all together, experiencing the joy that comes from my babies and the joy they impart into other peoples lives, caramel light frappes, adventuring to new places, Mexican food, taking long naps, meeting new people, seeing how God is working in different places, gifts in the mail, warm chocolate chip cookies and hope for the future. The only negative of my day was we got in a car wreck (we got hit from behind while at a stoplight) however, nobody was hurt and our car was perfectly fine.

God is definitely opening up some doors for Jarrell and I. Please be praying for us as we are looking into different ministry opportunities. We definitely desire to be where He wants us to be. This is such a simple verse, but so powerful..."Trust in the Lord with all your heart and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight." Proverbs 3:5 ,6

Two Babies

The good news is that having two babies (Moses 15 months, Emery 2 weeks) isn't as bad as I imagined it was going to be, but it is a lot of work. Moses is going through a terrible hitting phase and is teething so it has been rather challenging dealing with him. I had two big fears before having Emery.

#1- That I wouldn't love her as much as Moses

#2- I was worried about how Moses would adjust or react to her

Fortunately, both of these fears turned out to be false. Moses LOVES Emery, maybe even

too much. Our biggest struggle is keeping him away from her or off of her. The moment she came home, he was in love with her. He wants to get in her bassinet with her, hold her, carry her around, and gets really protective of her around other people. It is so amazing the love that he already has for her. To the right is a picture of him when he first held her. You can see how excited he was!

Emery is such a beautiful little girl and I love her just as much as Moses. I haven't been able to experience much of her personality yet because this child is a sleeper. She literally is only up about three hours a day (on a good day). Moses was never like that, so it is really weird to me, but is super helpful because I can spend quality time with Moses. I can't wait to see her grow and continue to develop.

I am really tired and my house is a disaster, but all in all I am adjusting fairly well. Please pray that God directs me as I am trying to figure out what I will be doing in terms of continuing to stay at home or work.

Ten Things

I never had intended staying at home with Moses full time, but it has turned out to be the biggest blessing in disguise. I haven't been able to find a job since moving to California and now I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that it was God's plan. I have really been trying to be intentional with my time with Moses because Emery will be here any day now. He is such a neat little person and I never realized I could love someone so deeply. I created a list of my top ten favorite things about him (which there are thousands, but these are the ones that I currently enjoy the most):

#1-The way he looks at me when I pick him up out of his crib after he has been sleeping. He is overjoyed to see me and it melts my heart every time.

#2- He is such a snuggle bug and will crawl right up next to me on the couch and hold my hand and sit with me forever

#3- The way that he "runs away" from me (which is right to me)

#4- Whenever he does something good he claps for himself until I clap with him and gets the hugest smile on his face

#5- His wet slobbery kisses on my face

#6- This kid has some serious dance moves. Watch out world we have the next MJ on our hands

#7-I love how he gets jealous over me (I know he is not suppose to do this). If Jarrell is sitting too close to me on the couch he has to get on top of me or in between us

#8-I love how much he loves Jarrell. He will follow him around and wants to do whatever he is doing

#9- His sweet little laugh when you tickle him

#10- His huge precious smile which lights up his face and everyone else around him