I am emotional but not in a hormonal way. I have been reflecting a lot on my summer, which in my world really means the beginning of May to current and can't help but feel discouraged. I really love the people in my life. I feel a great level of responsibility for those connected to me. Right now I am in a season where I have absolutely zero to give, and since every area of life is so relational, I feel like I am not doing anything well. I am struggling to be a good daughter, sister, friend, mother, wife, boss, leader, mentor, co-worker, etc and it disappoints me. I am not able to give anyone my best and am constantly finding myself becoming impatient, distant, irrational, insensitive, and annoyed. These are not words that I would generally use to describe myself and it is tough.
This has lead me to realize that I have unreasonable expectations on myself and in some ways, have created a lack of boundaries in my life, that lead me to being unhealthy. I have a really hard time expressing what I need, or don't need, so I often push those things aside and try to do what is best for everyone else.
The biggest realization I have had though, is how much I try to depend on myself, my own strength and it is no wonder why I fail. We were never meant to go through this life apart from God. I need Him. I need to do things in His strength. I need to find rest in Him. I need to trust Him more with the people in my life. My prayer through this rough season, is that regardless of my ability to be fully present with those around me, that God would still use me. That He will give me the strength. That He will give me the wisdom in my time and priorities. That He would allow me to give others the grace that He has given me. That He would have others show me grace as well. That He would help me to find rest in Him.
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