I Can't Be Silent

I want to start off by saying that I do not believe for even a second that I am an expert or qualified to write this post.That may lead you to wonder why I would be writing such a post than. I have several reasons that I will share with you.

My heart has been so heavy and I have felt so much righteous anger over peoples’ comments and reactions about what has occurred in Ferguson, MO. I refuse to be silent about a topic that so many people are ignoring. I know that racial topics are hard, uncomfortable, and messy so we avoid them. Not choosing to discuss them doesn’t fix anything though.

Another reason why I feel compelled to  share has to do with experiences that have affected me and people that I love dearly.

Our family was at a local park one day when Moses was not even two years old. This is the first time I ever encountered direct, verbal racism aimed toward my child. The worst part is that it came out of the mouth of another child (I wonder where they learned those words and formed those opinions) To say I was shocked, is an understatement. This really opened my eyes to the challenges my children will face, solely based on the color of their skin.

One day Mimi was watching Barbie on YouTube and I sat down with her. I looked down at the comment section, for no particular reason and this is the first thing I saw (mind you it is a direct quote so grammar is not mine):

"Nikki is my hatest among Barbie's best friends because she is black :\ Barbies are supposed to be perfect, flawless and beautiful , and there shouldn't be a black barbie! I want Nikki to be removed of these series."

This made me realize that my children's perceptions of themselves may be hindered by such comments in the future.

One of the most hurtful came as an attack on my husband's character and called into question his faith in God. This all occurred when Jarrell lovingly pointed out a blind spot in a young person's thinking in regards to racism after several uniformed comments the young adult made. The parents of this individual, people we had called friends and respected, ripped Jarrell apart and we really saw their true colors.

I don't share these stories for sympathy for our family but as a means of insight into how racism still actively affects peoples' lives today. Furthermore, I am fully aware that  my family lives in an area that is mostly racially accepting and we do not face these situations often, as do the people of Ferguson, MO and other places.

My main hope in sharing is this... Just because you don't experience a certain reality, doesn't mean that reality isn't true for someone else. In order to understand someone else's reality, you need to approach it with an open mind and a willingness to understand.

I know that we are not aware of all the facts in Michael Brown's death, though many more have been released tonight. I do not condone looting and/or violent protests. I think it's easy to get wrapped up in all the details that aren't the real issue. My hope is that through it all, you would strongly consider a few things.

#1- Michael Brown was an unarmed black male shot by a police officer.

#2- Victim shaming is never okay and regardless of other issues in Michael Brown's life, he was still an unarmed black male

#3- While some of the methods have been poor, we need to look at the people of Ferguson and realize that they are frustrated and fed up with a system that continues to fail them and countless others. Instead of quickly judging them, we should rally behind their cause, which is so much bigger than an isolated incident. Maybe their anger would begin to subside when they realize they are heard, understood, and are not alone in this fight.

Whether you realize it or not, If you are white you have privilege due to your skin color. It needs to be acknowledge and turned into action for people who do not have this privilege, especially in you are a Christian. 

Our Miracle

Now that we have made the "official" baby announcement, I wanted to share the miraculous story. Anyone that has talked to me in the past year has been so shocked by the news since I was very open about being done having kids. Don't worry, we were just as surprised as you!

After LO was born, we chose an IUD as our method of birth control. I was told by my OBGYN that it was the most reliable method and that we wouldn't have any issues. Fast forward to 1.5 years later. I was out running errands with the kids one day and my water broke. Yes, my water broke, which was very confusing because I didn't know I was pregnant and even if I was,  my water shouldn't be breaking. I knew something was wrong so I went to the emergency room. They did some intake testing and took me down for an ultrasound. As I was laying on the bed, the lady asked, "How many pregnancies is this, including this one?" I literally flew off the table. They forgot to tell my upstairs that I had a positive pregnancy test. My mind was racing. They informed me next that having an IUD could cause all sorts of complications and they needed to do testing.

The ultrasound indicated that my amniotic fluid was very low (almost non-existent) and that the baby's heartbeat indicated stress. I was told that I was going to lose the baby, since it couldn't survive without amniotic fluid. Talk about all sorts of emotions at one time. The ER doctor strongly recommended getting the IUD taken out by my OBGYN the next day (they don't take them out in emergency rooms). It is super controversial whether or not to get an IUD taken out if you become pregnant, and there are pros and cons to both. I prayed all night and decided that I needed to get the IUD taken out.

When I went to my OBGYN the next morning, he confirmed all the bad news of the pregnancy. I requested that he removed my IUD and he didn't want to, but I was very confident in my decision. He did an ultrasound and realized the IUD is what ruptured my membranes so he agreed to take it out. He scheduled me to come in for a follow up ultrasound 5 days later and put me on bed rest. 

I came back in for my ultrasound and you will not even believe what happened! My amniotic sac resealed itself and filled with an appropriate level of fluid and the baby's heartbeat was fine! At the stage of pregnancy that I was in, only 5 out of 200 times membranes reseal. 2.5% people! Talk about a miracle. My mind was blown. 

As of now, the baby is doing well. I just had a check up and the heartbeat was great. I currently have a blood clot on the placenta and will be going in for an ultrasound Tuesday. God has been so good and faithful so far, and I am trusting that this will resolve itself as well. 

As far as I am concerned, Baby Peak #4 was meant to be. This baby is a fighter and I can't wait to see what he/she will be like. 

P is for Pizza

A couple of months ago, we went to a Children's Museum in Palm Springs. The kids had a blast and have been asking to go back almost everyday. One of their favorite parts of the museum was a pretend Pizza Store. It was adorable and they played in it for hours.

Since it isn't practical for us to go to the museum often, I thought it would be fun to recreate this experience at home. I made the following items out of paper plates and construction paper. 

Toppings: Shredded Cheese, Pineapples, Peppers, Olives, and Pepperonis. 

For the crust we used the circle part of paper plates

For the sauce we used circles of red paper

Of course you always have to wear aprons when you cook so we put those on and created pizzas. We "baked" them in the oven, used a timer, and even used money to pay for them. They had such a blast! Several times, they said "You are the best mommy in the whole world!" The total price of this project was less than a dollar. 

I am going to remake the crust, sauce, and toppings using felt because a certain LO decided eating the paper was fun. For the next time, I am going to pick up some paper chef hats at the local cooking store and let the kids decorate them. 

Not only was this fun for the kids but reinforce several concepts that we have been learning like colors, shapes, and letters. (This week we are working on the letter P so we talked about pizza, pineapple, peppers, and pepperoni)

What are some of your favorite activities to do at home with your kids?

Proud Parent Moment

This morning I had to take a phone call that I knew would last a while and that was going to be frustrating. Jarrell wasn't home, so I knew I needed something to keep the kids entertained for a while, so I went to my surprise drawer and grabbed some stickers. I also grabbed crayons & paper and got everyone situated at the table. They were so excited about their stickers and I told them to use as many as they wanted.

I went into my room for the phone call. After the call was over, I was indeed frustrated and came back to the table to see what the kids had created. Moses had about twenty sheets of paper and they were all the same design. {Pictured Below}

I asked Moses to tell me about his picture. He looked up at me and said, "That is the cross, like the one Jesus died on. I made these for all of my friends and family because I want them to know about Jesus and that He loves them." He started naming people and asked me if we could mail a picture to them. I was seriously blown away and started crying. 

Parenting can be so hard at times, but moments like this make it SO worth it. I am so thankful for my little guy and the love that he has for all the people in his life. 

286.7 Miles

There are some people in this world that you would travel 286.7 miles to see for a few hours. Some of you may be thinking that isn't very far, which it isn't, under some circumstances. However, my miles were spent traveling roughly 7 hours, through LA traffic (enough said) , accompanied by my 4, 3, & 1 year old. 

A few miles made the rest of the miles worth it. Those were the miles that we spent with a dear friend, adventuring through the hills of Malibu on the windiest, craziest road. The road that provided the most breathtaking view of the Pacific Ocean from the top of one of those hills. The road that led us onto the Pacific Coast Highway and through a portion of "Malibu - 27 miles of Scenic Beauty" in which we rolled all the windows down and took in the fresh air that was fragrant with Eucalyptus. The road that led us to the place where we surprised another dear friend for a long overdue visit. 

Some more precious miles were spent catching up on each others' lives and hearing about stories of hope and redemption. Stories of healing and restoration. Stories of growth and encouragement. Miles spent listening and miles spent feeling understood. Miles of silence, the good kind. 

I am so thankful for this day. It has left my heart feeling full and rejuvenated. It has drawn me closer to God and impressed important truths on my heart. It has reminded me to spend my miles wisely, making each one count. To surround myself around those who love me, for me, and encourage me.

Making a Dream a Reality

As many of you may know, I recently opened an online clothing store called Truly You {Clothing}.  It has been a dream of mine for many years to own my own clothing store & this was the first step in that process. If you didn't know or haven't had a chance to check it out, you can here. I have also included some pictures of some new product below* I was fortunate enough for someone to fund this endeavor for me and even though I had the resources I needed, I was hesitant to make my dream a reality. I would not classify myself as a risk taker and I have an extreme fear of failure. At times the fear of failing can overshadow my deepest dreams and desires. Thankfully I have the most supportive {and talented} husband and he helped me push through. 

I can't even begin to explain the range of emotions that I have felt throughout this process: excitement, fear, joy, accomplishment, defeat, doubt, and fulfillment {just to name a few}. Despite all the emotions, I can say that this process has been worth it. 

I have been incredibly thankful for the people who have supported me in this process through modeling  doing make up, building my website, promoting me, purchasing from me, and giving me words of encouragement when I felt like giving up.  There is no way that this could have happened without all of you. 

One of the greatest challenges I face is getting my name out there and I can't do it alone. This is where I am humbly asking for your help. 

* One of the best forms of advertisement is word of mouth, so if you believe in what I am doing, I ask that you share with people that may also be interested. 

*Obviously I would never want you to purchase something that you don't love, so please don't feel pressure but if you are looking at something similar somewhere else, please consider supporting me.

*I am looking to launch a incentive program that would provide discounts and free product for those interested in having a clothing party. This could be done in person or online. If this is something that interests you, please contact me at trulyyouclothing@gmail.com for more details. 

Once again, thank you all for your support, words of encouragement, and love. 

A Journey to Accept Myself

Through various different outlets, a struggle of my has so clearly been illuminated to me. 

Recently, a friend of mine started a blog called Redeemed Beautiful. It is a ministry dedicated to sharing the Truth about body image, self-worth, and confidence. A Truth that's anchored in Jesus Christ. {taken from the about me section of their FB page). Some of the posts made me realize some lies that I had been believing. 

Next, I was reading a post titled Rainy Day + Flaws by one of my favorite style bloggers, Victoria, at Fashion Flirtation. I loved that she was so open about here flaws and her transparency was so beautiful to me. 

The last place was a flip calendar titled, " God's Heart For You" that my dear friend gave me for

Christmas. It shares spiritual truths & verses for each day.

All of these things together made me quite a mess this morning so I began to pray & something clicked. This was my major realization:

While I do not have to love the weight that I am at, I do need to love MYSELF regardless. It is not my weight that defines me, it is God's amazing love for me. In the same hand, I may not be happy with the weight that I am, but I can't let my weight define whether or not I am happy.

These may be simple truths and may be no brainers for some of you, but this is something that I have struggled with the past five years{since I became pregnant for the first time}.

I can not even begin to tell you how many times I have let my weight insecurities get in the way of living my life. I have very few pictures, I could probably count them on my fingers, of me and my children. When my children are older and look back at their baby pictures, they won't see me.  That is sad. I have stood at the foot of the ocean and watched my kids have the time of their lives running in & out of the water, but refused to join them, because I didn't want to be in a bathing suit. I can go on and on, but I am sure that you get the picture. 

I don't want to let me insecurities hold me back anymore & rob my joy. This will be a journey but I am excited to learn to love myself again, where I am at & where I am heading.